


the sound of silence

by lucky_ducky_123



Category: Captain Marvel (2019), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, F/F, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-09 23:53:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18648682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucky_ducky_123/pseuds/lucky_ducky_123
Summary: a short one-shot of Maria struggling to cope with Carol's 'death'.





	the sound of silence

Maria’s gut twisted painfully inside her, her vision going inverted as she breathlessly took in the static droning in her ear through the earpiece. The other techs around her were scrambling with the signal, lights flashing and machines screeching as they attempted to reestablish contact with the downed craft. 

“Avenger, this is Command, does anyone read? Captain Danvers? Doctor Lawson?” A man urged from beside her, his voice sounding as if it came from underwater, the way his tones formed around Carol’s last name foreign-sounding.

_ That’s not your name to say.  _

Maria couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t see. All she could hear was the explosion, Carol’s voice, and then  _ nothing.  _

“Carol?” She borderline whimpered into the receiver, struggling to maintain her composure. She had to be  _ strong,  _ she couldn’t let them see her be weak, they already thought less of her as a black woman in the Air Force. She cleared her throat. “Damnit Danvers,  _ come in. _ ”

She couldn’t die. Not on a  _ test flight.  _ The universe couldn’t be that cruel. Maria had lost a lot in her life, but Carol was there through it all; her rock, her light, her  _ love.  _ She had been there throughout Monica’s birth, holding her hand and breathing tight with her as she screamed from the pain. 

They had supported each other as they fought their way into becoming respected pilots. Snuck kisses behind pillars and in between flights. Going home at the end of the day and spending time with Monica, the outside world seeing Carol as nothing but her roommate.

_ Oh God.  _

No one knew about her and Carol’s relationship. Carol’s immediate family had cut all contact with her years ago. They surely wouldn’t give Maria anything, she was just a  _ friend.  _ They wouldn’t tell her anything, wouldn’t treat her like a grieving spouse and allow her to go home for a few weeks to cope and explain to Monica that ‘Auntie Carol isn’t coming home’…

_ No. She’s not dead.  _

Maria pounded the receiver, startling the two men on her left and right whom she had forgotten were there. “Carol, this is Maria. Give us something,  _ anything _ . _ ” _

Silence. 

A hand on her shoulder jerked her out of her dark thoughts and Maria whirled on the man next to her, her eyes red-rimmed. She forgot his name in the moment, watching as his face softened in sympathy. “They’re gone.”

“No,” Maria whispered breathlessly. 

Everything after that was a blur. 

Men and women in suits claiming some high government authority came flowing in, talking about not speaking of the crash to anyone, interrogating her about Lawson, mentioning a team going to inspect the crash site, returning with a box of things, saying how they could only find Lawson’s body _.  _ Maria held onto hope at that last statement. If there was no body, then surely Carol must’ve been alive--just lost. 

She desperately believed that for the first few months. Maybe even the first few years. 

Facing Monica’s wails was somehow worse than the static in her ears. 

Carol’s voice. Explosion. Silence. 

“Where’s Auntie Carol?”

_ Dead. Dead. Dead.  _

Maria numbly held the broken dog tag in her hand before tossing it into a cardboard box filled to the brim with too many memories. She sealed it up firmly and shoved it in the attic, refusing to look at it. Monica watched her movements quietly, gripping tight to Carol’s leather jacket, the only thing she was able to convince her mother to keep. 

Days came and went. Maria went to work, lived her life, refused to date with the thought in the back of her mind that she was somehow betraying her love. 

Each moment was unbearable. And she couldn’t even talk about how much it hurt her. Carol was more than her friend, but no one could know that. She had been lucky enough to get her destroyed dog tags. 

But none of it was  _ Carol.  _ It wasn’t those mischievous brown eyes, that blinding smile, those roughened and gentle hands, the locks of golden hair. All things lost in an engulfing flame in a fluke accident that the damn military still wouldn’t tell her anything about… But hey, they got the tags back for her. 

She cried in her bed, gripping the pillow that Carol had once used. It was almost impossible, but she knew she had to be strong. Not just for herself, but for Monica. 

So after the first three years, she allowed her overwhelming grief to become a muted distress at the back of her mind, tears saved for moments alone at random hours of the night. She never knew Monica could hear her through the walls. 

After six years it was almost never spoken of. Maria never accidentally called Carol in for breakfast anymore. Never expected warm cuddles and gentle kisses during movie night. Never waited for Carol’s musical laughter followed by Monica’s shrieking as the two of them played around. 

So she worked. She made money to put food on the table and make sure Monica had clothes on her back and shoes on her feet. Her parents helped out occasionally, especially when it came to watching Monica. She had gone to therapy and was finally, maybe, coming to terms with it.

That was until Monica screamed, “Auntie Carol!” and a ghost appeared on their front lawn. 

**Author's Note:**

> i literally never write anything under 1000 words, i was just in a mood. i only write two things--adorable fluff or painful angst so here's the latter. 
> 
> talk to me on tumblr @sapphicsuperheroes


End file.
